


Ash Gets Stabbed By A Clown

by SHOwSHOrTAge



Series: The Story of Jingles [1]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Gen, Meme, cabbage, clown, dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 15:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHOwSHOrTAge/pseuds/SHOwSHOrTAge
Summary: When Ash finds his beloved cabbage has been attacked, he swears to enact vengeance on the clown that did it.





	Ash Gets Stabbed By A Clown

"You little fucker." Ash muttered to himself as he looked at his cabbage. It looked off. There was something wrong with it. It had been defiled. White cream poured from the cabbage's opening. Ash smelled it deeply. He would recognise that smell anywhere. He knew very well what it was. But whose was it? He tasted it. "Still fresh. And warm." He knew this wasn't any normal whipped cream. This whipped cream belonged to a clown. Only one clown came to his mind. Jingles. That damn clown had been making his life a living hell for years. "JINGLES! I'm coming fro you! And I'm gonna fuck you up!" Ash put on his afro wig and grabbed his assault rifle that shot dildos instead of bullets. He was ready. He opened the door and got on his bad-ass tricycle. He started pedaling towards the circus.

Ash looked up and down the path to the tent. There were guards. He knew he couldn't kill them yet. There were still people all around. Plus he only had one dildo in his gun. "Damn, I knew I should have stopped at Walmart before I came over here." He looked across the street at the inviting, seductive building. It was too far by now. "What can I do to pass the time?" Ash thought to himself. He looked to his last ammo in his dildo gun. "Well. This IS an emergency. A boredom emergency." He unloads his last dildo and holds it in his hand. Looking up from the bush he was hiding in, the smiled slyly. There was no one around. "Perfect." Taking off his pantsu, he stared at the dilso as it stared back at him. "What are you waiting for, Ash? Do it." The dildo said. "Don't you tell me what to do." He threw the dildo across the street into the Walmart parking lot and took a nap in the bushes, completely naked from the waist down.

28 hours later, Ash woke up from his small nap and put his pants back on. "Oh whoops. I must have had a good fucc to fall asleep in a bush again." He said to the bush. "You didn't." The bush replied. "Shut up, you can't talk in this story." Ash said to the bush. "..." The bush didn't reply. He looked at the guards to the circus. They were asleep. "Those are bad guards." He said to the bush. The bush gave him a mean glare because it couldn't talk. Ash walked into the circus and was greeted with his first great obstacle.

The man stood at least 100 feet tall. Or 8 feet. Ash wasn't really sure. He wasn't good at measuring people that are taller than him. He was also in the shadows so it was somewhat hard to see him. "You're short!" Ash yelled. "Am not!" The giant yelled back. "You're so short, you probably can't ride any roller coaster rides!" "Now, that's just silly. You're shorter than me. You're literally looking up at me." "That's because you're so short!" "Stop it!" The giant stepped out of the shadow. He was clad in a long, brown trenchcoat and a fedora. He had a very long grey beard. "If you don't stop, I'm going to kick you!" The 8-through-100 foot tall man said in his oddly pre-pubescent voice. "Do it!" Ash challenged. "Uh. Okay, but you need to move over here if you want to get kicked." "Oh, okay." Ash walked over to the giant so his tiny little adult legs could kick him. "Tommy, do it!" A voice from what Ash assumed to be the giant's left knee. "Okay, don't rush me!" His right foot said. Lifting a tiny leg, the man lost his balance. He started squiggling, kind of like a snake, and collapsed. His wardrobe fell open and 40 children fell out of the trench coat. "I told you you're short! All 10 or so of you!" Ash yelled. All the kids started crying and Ash hid in a barrel as their individual mommies came and got them. Except for one. His daddy got him. You go, man. Parent that kid!

After five hours of waiting (just to be sure there weren't any mommies waiting for him), Ash jumped out of the barrel and did a cool skateboard flip on it. Or so he wished. Really, he didn't even clear the barrel and fell on his face. "Ah! That felt good!" He yelled, masking, or perhaps further illustrating, his pain. Ash couldn't help but wonder if he was a masochist. He was either a masochist or not a masochist. Or neither. Or both. He couldn't remember. Probably because he was in a barrel. He climbed out of the barrel, but still couldn't remember whether he was a masochist or not. "Oh well." He said to himself as he continued in the tent. As he entered a cage full of tigers, he found his second enemy.

"That was easy." A woman in her upper fifties said from behind him. "WHOA, A MOMMY!" Ash shouted. "I'm not a mommy! I'm still too young for parenthood." The woman in her lower fifties, who was definitely not living in denial about her age, closed the cage door. One hundred and thirty two tigers came out and circled Ash. "Oh, no! You guys better not vore me!" Ash said, secretly wishing the tigers would vore him. "FFFFFSFSFSFFFSFSFFFSFSSFSFFFSF FURRY" The lead tiger said, then told all the tigers to go back to their cages. "We're not eating a fufcKING F U R R Y." "WELL YOURE A FURRY TOO YOU FURRY! You've got F U R!" The lead tiger looked at her fur and realized she had fur. "DAMN" She instantly shed all her fur to reveal that she was secretly his twin, Rengnan!

"Rengnan! Henlo." Ash waved at her. "I will serve no further purpose in this story but henlo." The cage door was opened by the forty-something not-mommy and her son, Jamie. Ash walked out of the cage and stared at the totally-not-above-thirty-year-old woman. "Well uh. You tried to kill me and that's not cool." "Maybe I did." "Okay." Ash started to walk away. "No, you can't leave. You still have to fight me. This story can't progress otherwise." Ash sighed. "Okay, but you'd better be ready for the fight of your life." Charging his Gay Powers, Ash rushed at the woman, but tripped over a rock.

Five hours later, when Ash woke up, the twenty year old woman was gone. "I showed her, alright." He stood up and continued his great journey. Eventually reaching a room with his arch-nemesis, Jingles. "Ey, fuck! You do what to my cabbage?" Ash ever-so-eloquently vocalized. "You!" Jingles yelled as he got out of his clown car, along with twenty seven other clowns. "Get him!" Jingles commanded. However, there was one thing that Jingles didn't expect. Rengnan! Turns out she DID serve a further purpose. After voreing all the clowns, she wished Ash a good luck with the fight that he would have to face.

"Okay, you lil' bitch. I'll fight you until I... Uh... Can't fight you anymore because you're dead!" Ash threateningly called out. "Got him." He muttered under his breath. The two stared at each other for what seemed like a year. Finally, Ash raised his dildo gun and fired. "Wait, where's my last ammo dildo?" Before he could even check his dildo gun, Jingles grabbed a balloon sword and shoved it through Ash's chest. As the pain surged through Ash's body, he was in great pleasure. Or not. He still couldn't remember if he was a masochist or not. One would think that in a moment like this, you would remember whether you like it or not but he didn't. Anyways, he had more things to worry about. Like the fact that he was bleeding out. "You fucker." Ash gathered his last strength to give the clown the middle finger.

RIP Ash.


End file.
